Monday, September 11, 2017

My hero, mentor, friend, and most important title...dad.

It’s that time of year that I take a few moments to get my thoughts written down, it’s some sort of crazy therapy, I suppose.  But this year, this thought-writing process seems tougher.  I can’t even believe it’s been 5 years since my hero, mentor, friend, and most important title, dad, has breathed a breath.  I wouldn’t say that I miss him any less than I did during the weeks that followed September 12th, 2012.  I can’t say that I don’t think about him as often as I did on those long nights.  Some things are different though.  I would have to say that the anger has lessened since that time.  The crying has become less frequent and doesn’t last nearly as long as it did during the first year, or three.  There is one thing that hasn't changed though, I have that same spot in my heart that feels completely broken.  I have a hurt that I don’t know will ever go away…as I wouldn’t think that it would.  I guess that proves that someone can love someone so much that no matter what happens, that imprint never fades.  Clearly, my dad meant the world to me.  It wouldn’t still hurt if he didn’t.

Five years have flown by, so I decided to take a little look at what has happened in 5 years:  Ashley graduated from high school and went off to college in Austin, TX, and has hopes of becoming a missionary, she even went on a mission trip to Africa during her senior year of high school; Andrew finished his time at Springfield Lutheran School and went off to high school in Concordia...he has taken a liking to baseball and has been quite the handyman for his Grandma always willing to fix something, he also passed his drivers test and drives all over the place;  Katelyn has grown up into a beautiful and kind little lady who has developed a love for volleyball and continues to improve her skills, she loves to shop with her mom, grandma, and Aunt, and is always willing to help out friends and strangers;   Aaron’s knowledge of outerspace, and really anything and everything, amazes me every time I talk to him, he truly loves to learn...he has turned into a great student, getting praises from his teachers;  Jonathan has become quite a little ninja in martial arts and has such an honest heart, and the boy loves to cook which is so funny and awesome to me, he has also been a great crutch for grandma when needed;  and finally, Faith, well she has grown so much from that little 2 year old the year dad died  and has become one of the funniest kids I know...she's a kid with incredible determination and spunk!  Stephanie and her caring heart has taken in a few kitties that needed homes and has become quite the volleyball coach.  Doyle has become the number one sound guy for a local band in Springfield and is quite good at it while also doing everything he can do to provide for his family.  Gail has taken dad's place in the Praise Team at church and has proven that she can do anything she sets her mind to.  Sid has grown into an amazing dad who has taught his children manners and respect for others, he has also secured many rental homes in order to provide for his family.  Mom was able to retire and has really enjoyed the down time so far, she sold her house of 34 years and in turn, bought my house that I loved so much for 3 years and has made it her own.   She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis the year after dad died and has decided to live her life to the fullest.  She has her hard days, but seeing her rise above the disease has been incredible to watch.   The house I grew up in was sold to a nice older couple who are hopefully making as many wonderful memories with their own family as I did growing up (I wonder if they enjoy the sound of the summer nights on the deck as much as I did).  Me?  Well, I bought my first house and then sold my first house.  For the first time, I found out what it was like to be let go from my job...and looking back, that truly was the best thing that could've happened.  I should've known God had a better and bigger plan for me.  Anyways, I took the leap and moved to Kansas City to start a new chapter in my life.  Other than that, I have had more joy during the last 5 years of helping others than I thought I could ever have. 

As I wrote the paragraph above, all I could think of is, “wow…dad’s influence is shining through in each one of us”.  He had a passion to learn new things, he was kind to others, he had determination, he had an honest heart, he loved all sports, he prided himself on providing for his family, he believed that hard work always paid off, he took rough situations and made the best of them, he was always willing to lend a helping hand.  He really left a piece of himself with each one of us.  I can only imagine the pride he has as he watches down on all of us as we live our lives.  I imagine that he is laughing at Jonathan’s witty "Jonathanisms", or telling people in heaven that he knew his Ashley would come around eventually, or smiling with pride as he sees his bride taking on this new role in life that she was given…one that she didn’t choose.  He loved being together with family, so when we have our family get togethers, when the cards come out and the competitive spirit comes out in all of us, there are hundreds of laughs that come along with it.  I can only imagine the big grin on his face, seeing this family of his still enjoying just being together, showing kindness to one another, and truly loving one another.  And I have no doubt that he knows that he had a part in who each one of us has become. And really, the only part of this that is heartbreaking is that he is not here physically, he's not here to give a big hug to, to ask advice from, or to hear his laugh.  At the end of the day though, he is here...in each one of our family members...in our laughs, in our gestures to others, and in our love for one another.

If you were to ask any one of us, I am confident that each one of us would tell you that our dad/husband/father in law/grandpa was truly a hero, mentor, and friend!

I miss my dad.  I miss him just as much today, September 11, 2017, as I did the night he died.  I miss his smile.  I miss his voice.  I miss his dad jokes.  I miss his comforting hug.  But, I will be okay.  While he can't ever be replaced, I know that I have so many incredible people around me to remind me of the stories of my dad; people around me that still talk about him, and say his name; I have family and friends that are there to offer me a big hug when needed; and I have a heck of a mom who has taken on the role of mother and father.  So, while he is celebrating his 5th heavenly anniversary, we, though are sad that he's not here, can find happiness in knowing that a part of him lies within each one of us.  















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